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Dealing With Difference


  • Conflict is inevitable … war is not.
  • Don’t try to avoid conflict. Learn to find opportunity in difference.
  • Most disputes arise out of a breakdown in communication, and consequent loss of trust. The answer lies in engagement, dialogue and collaboration.
  • Focus on interests, not on rights and obligations. Be clear what it is you really want – and why.
  • If you can’t achieve what you want without input from others, you may need to change their minds.
  • Take responsibility for developing dialogue. Once they feel heard, those others will be much more open to your point of view.
  • Be curious as to why they see things differently. You can’t change their minds without knowing what is in them.
  • Have a skilled neutral third party facilitate difficult, high emotion, conversations.
  • People will fall out, so agree a process now for dealing with future conflicts. Have an expert work with you to design a process that meets your family’s particular needs.
  • Park the tanks on the lawn if you must, but never abandon diplomacy.